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Dog Training: Use of Aromatherapy

May 26th, 2010

Is your dog upset?  Does he act inappropriately around other dogs?  Does he have an anger management or stress issue?  Is it difficult for him to settle down?  Is he exhibiting a lack of concentration when you talk to him?  Is he easily distracted?

These are questions that haunt dog owners.  You worry.  You fret.  You seek answers.

Well, seek no more.  Aromatherapy for dogs will solve these problems.

Many “trainers” are now converting to this pleasant, easy, olfactory training method aid.  This amazing new “dog training” method  came to our attention when we sniffed out a certified trainer who includes this in their “whole dog, integrated training” approach.

Let’s start with the basics of what Aromatherapy IS.  It is believed, though science is still out on producing any hard, cold evidence, that certain aromas can aid mental, physical, and emotional improvement.

Well, I am all for that.  I may just be a closet convert.  Time for me to wake up and smell the roses.

However, I know you are still very concerned about whether or not your “Certified Pet Trainer & Canine Aromatherapist” (CPT&CA),  knows what he/she is doing or if you’ve just hired a fraud.  How CAN you tell?  Listed are just some of the ways you can determine if you may be getting scammed.

You may have hired a CPT&CA fraud if:

–You are told to purchase essential oils that are used for humans

–You are told to use essential oils which may be purchased from any Aromatherapy  store or merchant, i.e., lavender, clary sage, ylang ylang, chamomile.

–You are told to purchase diffusers from such places as “woo-woo scents”, “dream-a-little-dream”, or “you nose your scents aromatherapy oils”, in order to create an atmosphere of calm in your home (what you’re going to do out in the world is not their problem)

–You are told to put a drop of lavender on the left ear and a drop of sage on the right ear, exactly 1.78 millimeter from the tip between two hairs of equal length, 3 minutes and 27.5 seconds before leaving the house

–You are charged $100 per hour for a minimum initial consultation of 2 hrs, wherein no work takes place, but you are given a long list of items to buy and then told to return in 2 weeks for another long consultation of 2 hrs, at which point you will be told you didn’t put the essential oils on correctly which is why no improvement in attitude has been seen.

–You are told it will take time for the aromatherapy to be effective as your dog is in “transition”

IF you are truly desirous of aiding your dog’s emotional and behavioral improvement by use of aromatherapy here is THE most professional, definitive site you should visit:

www.aromatherapyiscaninereliefadministeredpretense.com   or www.aromatherapyiscrap.com

They are both the same site and offer a wide array of essential oils developed BY dogs FOR dogs.  I’ve taken the liberty of including some of their information below.

Here at Aromatherapyiscrap, we have only your dog’s well-being in mind.  Daily your dog’s senses are assaulted by the world leaving him tired, depressed, exhibiting dog-on-dog aggression, stressed, or frantically hyper-active.

Whether your dog is in “transition” or simply out-of-sorts, our CRAP Oils are developed BY dogs FOR dogs, so you just KNOW they have to work.

Our company is a family-owned and operated enterprise which has been in existence for almost 150 years.  It was begun by our great-grandfather, Lucius McHasben, who coined our motto, “We Create Scents to Make Cents Out of Your Dog’s Misery”.  We take great pride in the fact that Lucius escaped being run out of every town on a rail and reaped great amounts of money for producing nothing.

Here are our TOP 5 essential oil products:

INSOMNIA: Tired of your dog padding up and down the hall all night?  You no longer need to walk the dog to tire him out

Red Mandarin infused with Tired Puppy Hair. The mandarin is now known to be more effective with sleep disorders than other oils.  Adding Puppy Hair creates the ambiance of total relaxation.  Is there anything more relaxed than a tired, sleeping puppy?  Our dogs say, No. (5 drops on dog-bed nightly & at nap time)

CHRONIC FATIGUE: If your dog just won’t play ball, isn’t interested in chasing the cat, or no longer becomes excited about a ride in the car, and all your high-pitched “good boy!”, treats, unending praise and clapping fails to get results, then this is for you

Geranium infused with essence of Old Leash. Guaranteed to remind him of his wandering youth when he jumped the fence, ran the pasture, or chased Maxie the cat up the neighbor’s tree. (3 drops daily on tip of nose)

INDIGESTION OR LACK OF APPETITE: This is one of our biggest sellers and never fails.  Increases interest in useless training treats,too.  Our file cabinets are crammed with customer testimonials

Fennel with Other-Animal Poop. Absolutely guaranteed to change finicky eaters, dogs with indigestion, or those who have lost interest in their food into focused, food-driven dogs again.  (2 drops in bottom of food bowl at feeding time)

DOG-ON-DOG AGGRESSION, GROWLING, THREATENING BARKING & TERRITORIAL DISPLAYS:  Another of our top sellers.  Guaranteed to save you from having to be anything but positive with your dog.  If used ceaselessly for 5 years or until age 9 (whichever comes first) your dog will, by the end of that time, no longer be exhibiting any of the above issues

High Altitude Lavender infused with essence of Panicked Domestic Cat.  Just the thought of chasing cats creates endorphins in dogs.  High Altitude Lavender, the most relaxing of all the lavenders, infused with PDC, never fails to create a demonstrably happy & relaxed dog.  Guaranteed to restore that “I just ran 3 miles, treed the cat, and now I’m going to snooze for a while” look again.  (2 drops on collar, 1 drop on left ear, 3 drops on 2nd pad of right hind foot—administer twice daily or any time you are leaving your house, car, or entering the world with your dog)

CONCENTRATION: This is THE top seller for dogs in obedience class, rally, and agility to enhance eye contact and master the FOCUS command so enamored and sold by certified pet dog trainers.  Your dog will excel at FOCUS when you use this

Clary Sage infused with essence of Small Child & Unknown Dog. The sage is known to create centering, euphoria, and visualization, while the additions of Small Child & Unknown Dog is known to create highly focused attention.  (2 drops on dog’s forehead, 1 drop on owner’s nose during each training session)

All orders must be accompanied by a note from your CPT&CA.  We apologize for the inconvenience, but due to the number of fraudulent & inept “dog trainers” out there we must be assured that you are being sold this bill of goods by a true professional.  Our goal here at Aromatherapyiscrap is the same as that of your CPT&CA, to gain your continued, repeat business for years to come.  Thank you.

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Comments

  1. From Meg, May 26, 2010:

    I am falling off my chair. OMG, please tell me there’s not a “trainer” (as you call them) out there doing this. But since you posted it, there must be. Save me. I’m passing this one around. lmao

  2. From Sandy, May 26, 2010:

    If this wasn’t based in truth,this would be funny-without-remorse. It IS incredibly good satire, and makes the point with Susan’s sharply honed wit. Unfortunately, the dogs pay, and while they DO understand her humor, they do NOT profit from the real life version of the stupidity about which she writes.

    Fantastic post.

  3. From Tyson F. Gautreaux, July 11, 2011:

    Lovely blog! I am loving it!! Will come back again. I am bookmarking your feeds also free live wallpaper

  4. From Allie, September 15, 2011:

    I really liked the article, and also the very cool weblog

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