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Dogs, God, and Dog Hair

February 17th, 2010

At any given time I have several dogs in my house.  I attempt, valiantly, to keep it clean.   I think, however, it’s a Pyrrhic battle.  No matter how hard I try, I find dog hair on everything.

Recently, with our sub-zero weather and deep snow, the dogs have been inside much more than usual. This has led to an over-abundance of dog hair.

Dog hair is an interesting thing.  For instance, if you want to know which vacuum cleaner is truly the best, ask a person with multiple dogs.  I have, personally, killed three different brand name vacuums over the years.  The average life-span of a vacuum in a multiple-dog house is a year.  I even killed a shop-vac in my attempt to keep dog hair at a minimum.

I am constitutionally incapable of wearing clothes that do not have dog hair clinging to them.  I should have invested in stock in those rollers to de-hair things.  I’d be rich by now.

I lock up, put away, and seal things, and still they have dog hair on them.  I knew it was a losing battle when I found dog hair in sealed items from the grocery store.

Most people  get lint in their dryer.  I don’t.   I get fluffed dog hair.  I did the laundry the other day and upon shaking my clothes, a blizzard of hair floated around me. That’s when it hit me.   I didn’t need to buy a new vacuum annually.  I didn’t need to “roll” the hair off of my clothes.  I simply needed to accept the situation for what it is and find the positive in it.  If I was going to have hair on the floor and pounds of it fell off equivalent to a small dog, at least it was a clean small dog.

God obviously wanted me to accept the gift of dog hair he was sending, so who was I to refuse? So I began to view dog hair in a positive light.

Here, then, are the top ten positives of dog hair.

  1. You won’t have to admit you have gray hair, blame it on your white dog
  2. You won’t need to buy wall-to-wall carpet, just wash and shake clothes and the hair will float to the floor as if you were a fairy throwing rose petals
  3. The shaking of number 2 is an aerobic workout and will improve your over-all health
  4. You won’t need to purchase thermal underwear
  5. If you’re into haute couture, tell people your sweaters are ”mo’ hair’.
  6. Save the dryer lint and use, or sell, it as insulation  (R factor 45)
  7. People will think all dogs love you (which translates to a “good” person) as dogs flock to  smell you. (This is particularly important if you are a FedEx, UPS, or Postal Service employee)
  8. If you are a hunter, it is great camouflage

And the final two most important positive things about dog hair are:

9.  No one has ever said a bad word against a person’s housekeeping abilities at their funeral

10. If God had wanted you to clean house, he wouldn’t have sent you a dog.

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  1. From Cindy, February 17, 2010:

    This is too funny and so true. I know you have cats also so we just multiply the animal hair. BTW I learned that cat hair doesn’t just lay on things it weaves it’s way into them. The curtains in my son’s room window where that cat hung out at. I would have to extract the hair from the fabric when it got to the point I needed tweezers to do so, I decided I needed new curtains.

  2. From Meg, February 17, 2010:

    Either you have my dogs or you’ve been to my house! lol
    My dog hair kills fans. They suck it up on one side until no air seems to get through. Then they gasp and die. I go through one or two fans each summer no matter how much I vacuum.

  3. From Melanie, February 26, 2010:

    Everyone used to give me grief over the cat hair that would drift around, usually around dinner time, well, this dog hair has got the ‘Gold’ as far as the hair thing in my house…It is everywhere, no one told me that it would be this bad… Oh the days of just cat hair are just a memory…

  4. From Susan Overfield, February 26, 2010:

    I’m with you, Melanie. My 10 month-old grandson visited recently. I had fed him his sippy cup, which of course dripped on chin and chest. I had vacuumed TWICE before his arrival, but in the time it took me to get a cloth to clean him, he had crawled across the floor to me and resembled “The Dog Boy” from the circus side-show. It’s a sad day when you need to vacuum your grandson.

  5. From metro Air force, December 23, 2013:

    Hi friends, good article and fastidious arguments commented at this place, I
    am really enjoying by these.

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